Toddler puberty: positive parenting in 5 steps

What is toddler puberty and how can you deal with it? Many toddlers are quite stubborn and obnoxious. Do you recognize this in your toddler and would you like to parent positively? Here you can read everything about toddler puberty, until what age the toddler puberty lasts, and how you can deal with it positively.

What is toddler puberty?

There is often talk of toddler puberty. Your toddler used to be a compliant, sweet child, but suddenly turns away and does not just do what you ask of him. In developmental psychology, we call this phase the stubbornness phase. This is an important part of your child’s social-emotional and cognitive development. Your child learns to acquire autonomy. He discovers that he is a person of his own with a will of his own. He does not have to do just anything that someone else says or asks.

Your toddler reacts fiercely and stubbornly. He will want to stick to his own wishes. He wants to determine and if he can’t, he will get angry. Tantrums are therefore common in this phase.

Often your child gets angry about small things in your eyes. For example, because you first took the blue cube instead of the yellow one or because you cut the sandwich incorrectly. Your child also wants to do a lot himself. He can get angry if you took something for him when he wanted to do it himself.

Your child can quickly change emotions. One moment he is happy and laughing, and then suddenly he is very angry because something is not going the way he wanted. It can be very tiring and can sometimes feel like your child wants to bother you, but the behavior in toddlerhood is part of their personality development and very healthy.

Until what age does toddler puberty last?

Toddler puberty usually starts around 18 months of age. Then the first tantrums often arise. Your child will experience that he or she is an individual. Toddler puberty lasts until your child is 4 years old, but the peak is usually between 2 and 3 years. Every child develops differently, so there may be differences between children. One child will also go through a more severe toddler puberty than the other child. This has to do with the child’s temperament and how his environment reacts to him. Often tantrums diminish from the age of 4. Your child will then involve less and less everything to himself and he will be able to articulate his feelings and wishes better and better.

The toddler is not listening

Since your toddler is developing his own will, he often won’t listen to you. He prefers to do what is in his head and is not yet able to deal with this flexibly. This can be extremely frustrating or tiring in parenting, but it is part of his development.

Just because your toddler isn’t listening now doesn’t mean he won’t do this when he’s older. It is important to give your child clear boundaries now. This gives him security. Make use of established routines, rules, and habits so that your child knows where he stands.
It is best to give him as much space as possible within your limits. If a toddler feels in control of a situation, he will show fewer tantrums. If you want your child to do something, give him the choice, for example, to do it himself or for you to do it for him. This can be done, for example, in different situations:

When going out -> “ Do you put on your boots yourself or shall I? “
If your child has to go to bed -> ” Shall I lift you or will you go up the stairs yourself? “
When getting dressed -> ” Do you put on your sweater or pants first?”

In this way, your child feels that he is gaining control over the situation, while what you say will happen.

Positive parenting in toddlers in 5 steps

How can you positively raise a toddler despite toddler puberty? In the example below, you can read how to set boundaries positively.

A 2.5-year-old girl has discovered the tap in the toilet. She goes there all the time to wash hands and splash. What do you do if you have already lovingly explained many times that it is not allowed and she still keeps going back? How can you positively indicate the boundary? Read it below in the 5 steps:

Step 1: Connect and explain

Connect with the perception of your child. Show that you understand that she enjoys going back again and again. Then explain why it is not allowed and when she can wash her hands.

“ That’s a nice tap, isn’t it, playing with water. Everything gets wet, you see … so we just wash our hands together. ”

Besides, always say what you expect from your child, instead of telling him what not to do. Read more about this in the article: Dealing positively with my child.

Step 2: Distract and prevent

Take your child out of the situation when he returns. For example by picking him up and distracting him with something else fun.

“Let’s go and play with the duplicate” or “Would you like to help me prepare the bottle for your brother?”

Connect with what your child likes. Make sure the door is closed and your toddler cannot go there independently. Or if your child keeps taking something that is not allowed, such as your telephone or a vase that can break, put or place it in a place that your child cannot reach.

Step 3: Clear boundary and alternative

You cannot always put away or prevent everything. Sometimes your child can open the door to go to the tap or you cannot put something away, such as the television. Then clearly indicate the boundary one more time. Don’t get angry, but use a clear voice and a serious facial expression:

“ You like it so much, don’t you, play with water. Mum/dad doesn’t approve of this, everything gets wet and then we have to clean it again. This is no longer allowed ”.

Step 4: Alternative activity

Then offer a replacement activity. Go play together or read a book. Does your child need to play with water? Then put your child in a bath or, when the weather is nice, let him play outside with a bowl of water or in the sink. Toddlers want to discover and experience all materials and textures.

” Come on, you can play with water here.”
“Come and sit with me and I will read you a book.”

Step 5: Stay calm and positive

If your child continues to go to the toilet, he will do this mainly to provoke your reaction. Keep calm, take your child away, give a hug instead of getting angry or raising your voice. So don’t react to the negative behavior anymore. You have already made the boundary clear. Help your child comply with the rules and start an alternative activity.

“How nice are you playing with ……“

You can go through these steps in different situations. Always consider what is behind your child’s behavior. Is your child looking for clear boundaries? Does he want attention or confirmation? Does he want to experiment with something? If you know what is behind the behavior, you can respond to it.

Also Read: Talking about school with your child: 20 fun questions!